CHAPTER FOUR: THE TRUTH LIES

Summer's Tale

Chapter Four: The truth lies.

My eyes felt so dry after crying into bed yesterday night. I shuddered once again, of the terrible incident. I got down my bed. The air was filled with the smell of … hot lemon tea with honey, peanut butter waffles. Ah, my favorite. I thought it was Mom in the kitchen making breakfast. As I was about to approach her and give her a morning kiss, Sean turned around and all I could do was stare at him. I find the whole image really funny. Sean was wearing my Mom’s apron that obviously couldn’t fit his size, in the kitchen, making my favorite breakfast. I burst into a laugh. “Gosh, Sean …” I wipe the tears away, I was laughing so hard. “Oh come on, Summer, I don’t really look that bad...” He looked down at himself. “… do I?” “Worse.” He too, broke into a roar of laughter.

As we both finished off our breakfast, none of us left the table. I know Sean is in need of knowing some logical explanation. But perhaps he couldn’t find the suitable words to break the ice. When I was about to speak …

“Did you have a good night sleep Summer?” “Hardly.” I sighed. “Would you want to tell me what was all that about, last night?” “Before that, can I ask you something?” “Spit it.” “How did you know I was there? I don’t remember telling anyone about it, except for Victoria…” “So it was that bitch that brought you into this. I should have thought about that.” “Don’t blame Victoria, I asked her to and I insisted her to bring me there. I thought it should be nice to get myself a drink. Just get out of this filthy house. That guy was really friendly, we started talking and everything. I was really drunk. I had a bad day, that’s all.” “Summer, you know you could call me.” I placed one finger on his lips. “I know Sean. Now, answer me?” His eyes flicked onto his leftovers and then glanced up on me. He tilted his head as he hesitated. “Was it him? Just answer yes or no.” “Yeah.” He whispered. I guess he was hoping I couldn’t hear it. “But how?” “I don’t know either. I got his message that you were in trouble, then…” Suddenly, he covered his mouth. “Gee, Summer. This was supposed to be a secret!” “Why the hell did Carter want to keep this from me?” “I don't know Summer. He might have known that you would do something stupid or reckless. He still worries a lot about you. Guess he's trying to protect you from being hurt.” “I'm already totally broken apart Sean.” I sobbed. Sean covered his mouth again. “Okay, I swear I’m not gonna say a word anymore.” He leaned towards me and gave me a comforting hug.

As I stepped out from Sean’s car, Kate and Corinne came running towards me. Before I could say anything, they both hugged me. They started sobbing. I patted their back gently. “Summer. I’m so glad to see you. Like really, really so glad.” I looked at Kate and smiled. “Summer, we heard what happened to you. Everyone was terrified. Thank goodness, you’re alright, Summer.” Corinne looked at me, worryingly. “Girls, I’m here. And I’m safe.” I squeezed their hands tightly, to convince them I was feeling fine.

I walked towards my locker with Kate and Corinne close by my side. People gave me weird looks and moved a step away from me as I got nearer. I looked down at my clothes and smelled my hairs. No, I looked perfectly fine. I smelled perfectly fine. Why are people looking at me like I’m a freak? “Girls, what’s wrong with the people?” I whispered. “The news got spread.” “And fast.” Corinne added. Ouch, that hurt. Oh god. That is really, a big humiliation. I guess people might even be asking questions like, “Is she still, a virgin?” O-M-G, I refused to think about that.

“Carter, did you hear about the rumors? About Summer?” I glanced up, as I heard my name mentioned, especially together with Carter’s. I looked around, trying to find where was the conversation coming from. There they are. Will and Rob were laughing their heads off. I have no doubt they’re talking about me. Carter smiled weakly. He looked exhausted and tired. I wonder had he been staying up late again.

Victoria got to my side for a sudden. She gasped for air and tried to find the right words to say to me. “Summer, Summer, Summer. I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have left you alone. I shouldn’t have even brought you to that place at the beginning. If anything had happened to you, I really don’t know what to do. Oh god, Summer!” I told her a thousand times, or maybe more than that, it’s okay and I was the one who got me into all this shit. But she had been following me throughout the whole day in school, telling me how sorry she is and asked if there’s anyway to make things right. Sometimes I find it very bothering and wanted so much to zip up her mouth, but part of me, knew that she was just feeling guilty and I wouldn’t want to make things even worse for her. So, I just kept quiet.

Chemistry. Mr. Finnegan was writing notes on the whiteboard and preparing for a slideshow. A few students hurried to their seats and he started his lesson. My mind was so occupied, that I could hear absolutely nothing around me, it’s like someone had just muted every single sound in the world. I can see students opening their jaw widely, perhaps laughing? I can see Mr. Finnegan pointing the slideshow and his mouth was moving fast. I couldn’t get out of my mind about what Sean told me, about … Carter. My eyes dropped on the empty seat beside me. He used to sit here, leaning inches beside me, and sometimes when Mr. Finnegan isn’t looking, he would play with my hair, drumming his fingers gently on my hands. Trying as hard as possible to distract me, and he always did. Now he isn’t anywhere near. Since our break up, he went up to our class administrator and changed his whole time table. I wonder is it possible for a person to hate somebody so much, so much that they can’t even stand a look? How can someone who was once so deeply in love with me, hate me so much? I wonder. So the answer lies beneath the word, once.

… Once upon a time, the girl who fell in love, had never felt that ever blissful than sleeping in his arms. Everything just looked so beautiful. The whole world seemed to be filled with joy and happiness. Once upon a time, she used to look forward everyday as she wakes up from her sleep. Once upon a time, she could share all her sadness with him and he would know the way to cure her pain. Once upon a time, he loved her so much. So much more than a human can ever possibly love her. Once upon a time, she thought that their love story would have a happy ending.

I was just a naïve girl. Happy ending doesn’t exist. They don’t compel with the reality world. But, what if there’s a tiniest chance that Carter never stop loving me? Would that raised up the flames again? Would it burn once more? Would our love story be able to continue again? …

The lunch break bell rang and pulled me back from my thoughts. I looked around, the class was already half empty. Kate and Corinne finished packing up their books and waved at me, “Summer, you coming?” “Err, sorry. I got something to work on. Bye girls.” They nodded their heads and headed towards the cafeteria. I piled up my chemistry books and got out of the chemistry class, last.

I dashed off to my locker and placed my books inside. I looked at my watch. Okay, there’s still plenty of time. The question in my head is driving me crazy. I need to get the answer right now. I walked towards the cafeteria. He would definitely be there. I know he never skip his lunch.

Hold on a sec. I just told my girls that I’m not joining them. Never mind, I would get to them about this later.

As I stepped in the crowded cafeteria, I spotted him sitting at the same, old place. Will and Rob was there, April as well, I was told that she was Carter’s biggest crush before. Perhaps, still is. Or maybe she’s already his girlfriend. But, there’s an empty seat beside Carter. And, that’s … where I always sat.

I don’t really have exactly in my mind, what am I suppose to say. The last time I talked to him, I ended up so drunk that I couldn’t defend myself in the Judith’s Pub. But the question had been stirring in my mind for the whole time, I couldn’t stand any longer, even though I already had the feeling that I might end up even worse than the last. Then, my feet started taking me towards his table.

All his friends eventually stared at me with questioning look on their face, as I approached them. I find myself in an awkward situation. Carter did not glance up at me, even though I was already at the table. Until words suddenly came out, I realized it was my voice.

“Carter, I need to know...” He banged on the table and turned to face me. “We’re over! What’s more to know about?!” He’s voice was so loud that almost every student in the cafeteria turned and looked at us. “I need to know the truth!” “Okay fine, you want to know the truth. I give you the truth. The truth is, I am sick of you and I hate you so much. I’ve move on and you should learn how to. Stop messing up with my life.” I got stunned at his words. I tried to recall again and started trembling. “Impossible… Carter, you’re lying! I know you are.” Hot tears wetted my cheeks. “Stop this shit Summer. Accept the fact, damn it. I don’t love you anymore.” Sean suddenly came over my side. “And honestly, life is so much better without you.” I stared at him in horror. My eyes were brimmed by the salty tears. Sean’s fist stiffened. “You, this son of a bitch!” When he was about to punch Carter’s face with all his energy, I caught hold of his fist. “Please, Sean. Don’t hurt him.” I glanced once more at Carter and left. Sean ran to me and grabbed my arm. I pushed it away immediately. “Don’t … Sean.” I could barely utter a word anymore.

His words kept on lingering in my mind. The image of his face appeared, again and again. How tense he looked when he said those words. How strongly he meant each and every one of them, as he spoke out.

I don’t love you anymore… Life is so much better without you …

I got totally no idea what happened during the rest of the lessons.

…

Tell me why, you’re so hard to forget? Don’t remind me, I’m not over it. Tell me why, I can’t seem to face the truth? I’m just a little too not over you … not over you …

A familiar song rang in my head as I walked at the edges of the balcony, my favorite hiding spot. Since we broke up, I came up here everyday. Trying to piece back what’s only left, our memories cause’ I don’t want them to fade away as time goes by. They’re the best I’ve ever had. My heart which had already been torn apart now had shattered into millions of pieces. Carter gave up on me, when he promised me he wouldn’t. Carter left me. And he was my life. I couldn’t survive through that.

The wind blew at my face. So here I am, standing on the roof of the school building. Who knew Summer Darren’s ending would have been by jumping down from a four storey high building? Yeah, even the brightest kid.

I looked down from the balcony. A lot of students were rushing out. Some of them noticed me standing up here, started pointing their fingers at me. I bet they were curious what experiment was I doing. It’s the life and death experiment people.

I know everything would go very fast. Jump down, enjoy a few seconds in the air and hit the ground, and I’ll stop breathing by then. I smiled at my thought.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I relaxed my body. I thought about everyone I knew and their images flashed across my mind. “Sorry, I let all of you down.” I whispered my last goodbye and …

“Beep… beep…” An unknown number appeared on my handphone screen. I picked up the call. “Hello?” There wasn’t any respond on the other side of the phone. My fingers almost touched the end call button. “Wait.” I was unable to breathe. The call that I had been waiting for, the voice I missed so much. “Summer, don’t do this.” I heard the sadness hidden under his voice. “Carter.” I exhaled as I spoke his name. Seconds later, I slipped from the balcony edge.

“SUMMER!” Sean managed to grab hold of my hands before I fell down from the building. I heard Kate and Corinne screaming from the ground. He pulled me up and held me tight in his arms. “Summer, god Summer. Don’t you do that to me ever, again.”

Tears trickled down my face.

I know there’s a part, deep down in Carter’s heart, still craving for my love, he’s just too stubborn to admit it. And I realized sometimes, even the truth lies.